Thursday, October 26, 2017

This Boy- Kevin

This boy was the center of the world to all who knew him.
His laugh was the contagious element that moved around the room like a familiar song.
His humor, never limited to just the appropriate, was expected,timely and well delivered.
His perspective was worldly in spite of his small town roots and confinement.
His loyalty to family was thorough, stoic and unconditional, in contrast to his young age.
His intellect was quick, curious, definitive and waxed most all topics.
His reasoning was often child-like, but made perfect sense.
His understanding of others was acute and profound.
His physical agility knew no bounds and offered no boasts.
His bargaining techniques regarding his chores were that of a seasoned politician.
His disdain for green vegetables often found him in trouble with his mother.
His love of The Beach Boys and The Beetles was curious for a kid in the 80's.
He always peeked, with stealthy consideration, at the gifts under the tree.
His practical jokes were a constant thorn in the side of his very serious older sister.
His sideways smile would combat any disaster or wrong-doing.
His courage, facing cancer, would mark those who witnessed his battle forever.
His presence is missed more than words can convey.
His life is now with the angels and Jesus in a world far away.
My heart misses him so much.  

Soldier in The Army of God

This is a soldier's story, not the modern day soldier that you see on the news or in airports and train stations. This is a soldier, in the army of Believers- God's soldier. Picture the soldier with his breastplate of righteousness, once polished to a bright shine to reflect the goodness he stood for, now dented and scarred from the brutal and relentless beatings he received from his enemy in battle. Imagine his shield of faith once gripped confidently in his powerful hand, now merely splinters hanging loosely and slung over his shoulder, as he is too exhausted to carry it any longer. The shoes of peace that were laced securely around his sure footed feet, are now covered in his own blood and the filth of battle. Imagine this soldier once full of faith and hope, with his belt of truth cinched securely around his strong erect frame, holding all of his armor in place, now sagging about his skeletal body, stained with the sweat and stench of his hard-fought war with the enemy.




Picture his sword of spirit that was held high in battle, striking with great strength and mighty force against the enemy of God, his enemy. The soldier is now too weary to even lift his mighty sword to replace it in the long sheath that hangs empty on his belt of truth. He can only drag the heavy sword behind him, using it to steady himself as he  attempts to walk back from the fierce battle he has fought on the battle field. He has been beaten unmercifully. He is weary, broken, bloody and bruised. He knows he must stand and walk, to get back to his Father. He knows where to find help and rest and healing. He knows that his very life now depends on finding his way back to his God. He just can't seem to stand long enough to walk, to search out his God, his only hope. He must now carry the helmet of his salvation, because his head is hung so low in exhaustion, grief and defeat, that he is unable to lift it to see where he is going. He feels lost. He feels sick. He feels afraid. He feels alone. He fears he may never find his Father, his God, his only refuge from the battle he has fought and still fights. His enemy relentlessly mocks and kicks the soldier. This formidable enemy knows that the soldier is too weak to fight back. This soldier knows that the war continues, but he is too weak to fight any longer.  This once strong soldier is now so weak and broken that he is forced to lay down, he can no longer walk or stand. He closes his eyes and imagines himself on the steps at the foot of God's mighty throne, the mercy seat itself. The soldier is too ashamed to cry, or plead, or speak. He can only lay there in a pool of his own blood and waste. He waits for God to find him, to pick him up and hold him against His chest, like the gravely injured child that he is. The soldier longs to hear God speak into his ear words of healing and peace and mercy. The dying soldier is too broken to even pray. He imagines that he is in the arms of God, allowing God to love him, to accept him, to forgive him. He needs his God to restore him for the next battle, to protect him, to give him rest. He wonders how many more battles he must fight. He is bone weary. He is tired of the sustained pain of battle. He is sick with grief for all he has lost. The soldier needs to breathe in the smell of God, the smell of cleansing rain. God is healing. God is mercy. God is hope. God is rest. God is peace. God is home. The soldier waits for God - his God, his Salvation, his Father. The soldier knows that he will be with his God. God is all this soldier really needs. The soldier waits, he believes.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Who I am and What Is Important to Me

I want people to lead by example and be the change that we so desperately need in our world.  Mean people are my biggest fear in life. I would like to live what remains of my life with courage, a sense of humor and wisdom. I want to be me and not apologize for it. I would like to be understood, but I am learning that it's okay that I'm not. I will do almost anything to rescue a hurting person or animal. I think Mother Theresa said it best, "If you can't feed 100 hungry people, then feed just one". I love tradition, but long for adventure. The Texas Rangers are my very favorite team in sports. I wish all men behaved with the dignity of Tom Landry and Yoni Netenyahu. I wish I were a billionaire so I could give it all away. I think that kindness cost nothing, and wonder why it’s not more prevalent in our world. I believe that to sit idly by in the face of evil and ugliness is a good way to help it grow stronger. I love practical jokes and intelligent, dry humor. I like to think that heaven is a place where everyone can dunk from half court; all children are fed and at peace and the mentally challenged will lead the holy choir.  I think s’mores are best when the marshmallow is burnt. I still like to climb trees and hope that I am never too old to enjoy a nice hike in the woods. I think that it is never too early to learn how to be good stewards and wisely manage your money.  I stand tearfully for our National Anthem, even when I am home alone in my jammies. I love my country so much and feel so blessed to be an American. I am so incredibly thankful for the men and women who serve to protect goodness, humanity and freedom. I love Israel almost as much and admire, with awe, the way her people defend her and each other. My favorite sounds are the laughter of loved ones, home runs and rain. I think dogs make much better "Best Friends" than diamonds. I am obsessive compulsive about cleanliness by nature; however, sharing a home with 4 dogs and 2 cats put much needed dents in my very orderly life. I believe true friends defend you when you aren't able to defend yourself. My favorite colors are tangerines and yellows.  I think if you can't sing very well, you should sing louder to make up for it.  I think betrayals are sometimes more painful than deaths.  I think that hugs are essential and that moderate public displays of affection are nice. I love surprises. I wish our world were like a James Taylor song. I love professional baseball, golf, good food, being with loved ones, and being outdoors. I enjoy reading a good book in front of a nice warm fire, when it's cold outside. I think that the library is a great place to spend a rainy day. My favorite time of the year is spring. I don’t like Brussels Sprouts but love cabbage. My favorite smells are fresh bread, gardenias and puppy breath. Daisies are my favorite flower. I don't think flies really mean to be pesky. I think that life is too short to hold grudges and that forgiveness is the key to a healthy and happy life. I believe that when people show you who they really are, you should believe them (Thank You, Maya Angelou). I am learning that our circumstances don't define who we are, and that even during our darkest moments we can see the goodness of God at work.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

PRAYER- Speaking words of Life

Lord


Please help me to remember that heaven's hosts hear my every word. I want to make a point to speak truth, kindness and hope to myself and others. Words, once spoken, can never be unsaid. The bible tells us that the power of life and death are in our words. We can actually bring bad things to ourselves and others through the words we speak. Please help me to remember this Father, my words are often my BIGGEST issue. I grew up with such negativity, that I came to know it as normalcy. I thank You for my parents, and also know that they were just people like me. They made mistakes as we all do. Please help me to overcome the negativity that has been spoken over me by myself, and my parents, and by others. I am a child of the Most High God, and through the sacrifice Jesus made for me, will inherit His Kingdom, in spite of myself. Please help me to remember that I do good BECAUSE I am heaven bound,  not because I COULD EVER EARN MY WAY. Please help me to watch my mouth, and to remember that every word spoken is heard.

PRAYER- Faith & Fear

Papa-

I know that "my eye is the lamp of my body. If my eyes are healthy, my whole body will be full of light; But, if my eyes are unhealthy, my whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within me is darkness, how great is the darkness. Can I, by worrying, add a single hour to my life?"
(Matthew 6)

My Grandmother was a worrier. My mother was a worrier. These were two women of faith who loved You with their whole hearts. Yet, they worried over everything and became hysterical over many things. I watched my mother struggle with this for all the time I knew her. I know that it comes from fear. and I know that fear comes from our enemy. I know that I cannot entertain both "FAITH" and "FEAR" simultaneously. I can only ask one or the other to sit down in my heart, and make them self at home there.

Please Father, help me with this family trait. I don't want fear in my life.

Please increase my faith and let it live in my heart, my home and in my life.

The Lord is my Shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
I will dwell in house of the Lord forever.
(Psalm 23)

PRAYER- Friendship

Father-


I am so thankful for the friends You have given me. I have known love and loyalty through them. They have lifted me when I could not stand. They have hit their knees for me and petitioned You on my behalf. They have nursed me. They have cried with me. They have laughed with me. They have told me hurtful truths, and delivered them with loving kindness. They have encouraged me to be better. They have selflessly given and sacrificed for me. Today, I wanted to tell You how grateful I am to have them in my corner and in my life. Today I ask that You will bless them in a special way and let them know somehow that it is from You.

Note to Self

Note to Self-


Remember that Rome was not built in a single day. Remember that you are never alone or forgotten. Make an effort everyday to put healthy food into your body. Remember that your body is a temple and does not belong to you. Everyday do at least one good thing and do it to the very best of your ability. Learn to forgive yourself, as God has forgiven you. Remember that strength is often a mindset or a choice and your Papa will fortify you in all things. He has ordered every step, and is always with you. Have courage and have faith. You are a child of the Most High God. You are loved and treasured beyond measure, by your Holy Father- That is enough!

PRAYER- Giving Thanks for Life

Father-


There are so many reasons why I love You. You are my Creator, yet You are small enough to hear and see me, and are everywhere in all ways. I don't ever have to spend a single moment thinking, "Is this it?, "Is this all there is?", "This is what we are stuck with!". Truthfully, Lord, if dirt and worms were all I had to look forward to, I would have given up a long time ago. I know that life is a gift from You and I need to be thankful for it, while staying focused on You, Your Righteousness and Your Kingdom. Please help me to live and embrace the life You have given me, and remember that it's not about me, my life, or my happiness, It is about You and my relationship with You.


PRAYER- For Reverence

Father-


Forgive me when I take my salvation lightly. Help me to remember that You left a throne to be small enough to reach me. I sometimes take for granted that You are the Most High God. I forget to consider that You are Holy and God of all. I forget the reverence with which I should approach You. From my earliest memories, I knew You were always there. I often forget that YOU , Father are my biggest blessing, and that You endured so much for me. Please help me to remember Your sacrifice and that my salvation isn't commonplace; That Your divinity is beyond anything my little human mind could conceive. Please let me not forget to tremble and fear You. I know You are my God and my Creator, let me not forget Your Sovereignty and Power, just because You are closer to me that a brother, attainable, and always faithful and forgiving.

PRAYER- You know my every thought

Papa-


Help me to remember that Jesus will indeed come back for us. Please help me to remember that You know every action, every word, and every thought. There is nothing that I can keep from You. Help me to watch what comes out of my mouth, as I know the power words can have over my life. Help me to speak only life and positive, uplifting words over everyone, myself and every situation. Help me to be full of truth and peace,  for You already know the turmoil within me. Please help me to be accountable for my actions and my words. Please, Holy Spirit, let me know when I do something or say something that I shouldn't, and help me to address it immediately, with divine wisdom. Please loose me from these chains that bind me. Help me. Heal me. Teach me. Love me. Forgive me for all the ways I fall short and fail You.

PRAYER- For Unbelieving Friends

Father-


My hope and my faith are often so lacking. There have been so many times when I really questioned Your very existence, even after I witnessed the miraculous death of my brother. There have been so many years spent in the mire of self-pity, self-loathing and utter hopelessness. Please forgive my unbelief, my blaming You, my self-centered pleas, and for believing all of the lies whispered to me by my enemy. Please know how thankful I am that You brought me out of that abyss of darkness. Thank You, for helping me to have hope and to rest in the knowledge that You are real and You do hear me.



Please look down to my atheist friends, all of whom have helped me, Your child; Please make Yourself real to them. Please let not their hearts be hardened and unable to hear You. Please, Father, don't allow them to be lost to the enemy for eternity. My own heart knows Your promises, but sometimes my mind has trouble. Please see us and meet us where we are. Please give us hope and faith and courage. Please don't  let us slip through Your capable fingers. I know that I really struggle, I can't imagine how dead their hearts must feel. Help us, Lord, as we were never meant to live a life apart from You. Have mercy on us, Father. Please pull out all the stops for us. I know You are capable and I know Your desire is that none of us perish. Please help us to find You. Please have mercy on me, a sinner, and Please don't allow these good men and women to perish, as they are Your children too, even though they deny You.

PRAYER- for Conversing with God

Lord-


I have not always be consciously aware of Your guidance, Your comfort, Your strength, Your counsel or Your mercy.  You are with me even when I turn from You. I miss the days when we were speaking, really communicating,with each other! Please forgive me for taking that for granted, and please look into my heart to see how much and I need and want that again, only more of it and better than before. Please let us have a two-way conversation, and let it begin in my heart.

PRAYER- Thank You for the Trials of Life

Papa-


By embracing my trials and tribulations, I am then able to allow You to teach me. Please help me to have a teachable spirit and attitude. I know that You use trials to teach me to trust You. Please help me to remember to thank You , especially when things look bleak and life is difficult. For it's during our darkest hours when we can see Your goodness at work- THAT is the space where You  are glorified and show Yourself to those who trust You without question or complaint. You feed us and give us water. Please help me to remember all of these things when I am faced with the giants of life, I know that the trials are necessary and that You will never ever give me more than I am able to carry with Your help. Please give me courage to do what You ask of me, even though I am afraid and unsure. Please help me to keep looking up, where You are, and will be, when I need You. Please help me not to waste a single trial or opportunity where You will be glorified.

PRAYER- All the things You are, Father

Father-


You are: Devoted, Eternally Ours, Forever with Us, Great, High above Us, Infinite, Certain, Kind, Generous, Constant, Wise, Always, Now, Future, Past, Savior, Teacher, Lover of Our Souls, Watchman, Healer, Guide, Love, Jealous, Victory, Beginning, Ending, Understanding, Merciful, Full of Grace, All-Knowing, Provider,Warrior, Peace Like a River, Goodness, Righteous, Unmatched, Glorious, Wonderful, Compassionate, Slow to Anger, Forgiving, Creator, Final Judge, Justice, Good Gift-Giver, Strong, Courageous, Undying, Unfailing, Complete, Everything that is Good, Attainable, Worthy to be Praised and Honored, Glorified, Holy, Truth, Comforter, Omnipotent ...............and so many other things. Thank You, Father, for being my everything!!!

PRAYER- God through Jesus

Papa-

You identify with us and our human conditions through Jesus. Jesus, as a man, experienced our hurts, betrayals, joys, tears, painful outcries, hopelessness, our human thoughts, cares, motivations, fears, hopes, faith , anguish,humanity, sorrow, understanding, selflessness, boldness, death, everlasting life......All the feelings Jesus must have felt or witnessed others, whom He loved dearly, feeling. Lord, You love us so much and understand our feelings, thoughts and actions. When we hurt or mourn, You hold us and hurt with us. No one can know us and who we truly are, except for You, Father, through Jesus. 
Thank You, Father. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Holy Spirit. Where in the world would we ever be without You? You are our only way home. You ARE Home. How could we ever tell You or show You how grateful we are? Yet, You did it for us anyway.

PRAYER- Thankful for our Eternal Home

Father-


Thank You, that I have an eternal home with You, and my loved ones who have gone before me. Thank You that I know Your True and Eternal Love. I know that Your love is as unconditional as it is undeserved. All I need do is call out, and reach up, for You at any time."Thank You"', falls so very short of how I feel about Your sacrifices and Your love. How is it that You love us all equally, and without measure? How is it that You make room for all of us who love You? How is it that no matter what we do or don't do, Your mercies are new every single day? How is it that You look across time and history to really see me, and know the number of hairs on my head? How is it that in a world so full of hate, ugliness and evil, You allow for Your children to see the beauty of Your creations and life?

PRAYER- See myself as You see me

Lord-


I know that You will keep in perfect peace those whose mind is stayed on You. For You, Father are greater than I. You are all-knowing. Your love is divine. You love me through all of my sin and ugliness, giving me the very breath that I use to sin against You. You want to help me in all things, if I will simply lean on, trust in, and hear only, You. I want to do what You instruct and command me to do-but I am dense and stubborn and lazy in my pursuit; Please help me. Please hear me. Please speak to me. Please make it clear to me. I long to hear You and see Your fingerprints on my unworthy life. Please help me to let You have all of my life. Please help me to get past all of the injuries of my past. Please help me to forgive myself and see myself as You see me. Please help me to know and rest in Your Grace, Forgiveness, and my eternal home with You.

PRAYER- "Coming In" & "Going Out"- Solomon

Lord-

I ask You today for Wisdom. Teach me how to "Come In and Go Out". Teach me to use wisdom when dealing with others, with my choices and daily decisions, and with my finances. Please grant me discernment so that I will focus on and follow Holy Spirit as He leads me through each day. Help me to stick with things I start, as I have never been very good at doing that. I have had so many relationships, and opportunities- yet here I am alone without direction. Please help me to find my place and purpose and livelihood of Your choosing, then help me to persevere and prevail. While my knowledge has increased over the years, the wisdom to use it can only come from You. You alone, are Wise and You alone, can grant me wisdom.

PRAYER- A Few Things I am Thankful For

Papa-

I want to thank You for: My Salvation; My Health; My Voice; My Life (all of it, no matter how glib I think it to be at times); My Mind (no matter what I or others think of it); Your Constant Love and Devotion; My Loved Ones, My Christian Heritage and Being Taught about You; My Parents, My Precious Brother, My Sensitivity (I know You made me this way for a reason), All the times You have spared me and forgiven the billions and billions of things I have done to sin against You; All the times You have Answered My Prayers and for the Times You didn't; For the Breath and Life You Have Given to Me; For Your Direction, Mercy and Grace; For Sticking with Me and Never Giving Up On Me; And For so Many Countless Other Things............Thank You, Father.

PRAYER- You are so Faithful

Lord-

No matter, how often or to what extent I have left You, You have never left me, nor will You ever. You are constant and faithful and attainable, no matter what I have done or how far I go, or how often. You give us the very breath we use to sin against You. You want us to have hope, peace and a future. I want to trust You completely, Lord. I know that You see ahead, across time, You know my every thought. There has never been a single moment when You did not love me and want me with You. "You will visit me, and perform Your good word toward me..." "You shall seek  Me, and find Me, when You seek Me with all of your heart."

Your ways are higher than my ways, Lord. I am counting on You and will wait on You all day and every day."

PRAYER -Christian Countenance

Papa-

As with all other things that are good and come from living a life for You. I long for that glow that I used to see on my grandmother's face, as a child. It was so apparent to me how much she loved You, Lord, just from the countenance of her lovely face. She had the glow of a true believer. I want to be more like her, and more like Jesus. He always moved in love and in peace. He spent His short life here building people up and making their lives better. I want to be less concerned about what others think and do. I want to focus on my walk with You, Lord. For You to have Your will in my life, to know my purpose for Your Glory and Your Kingdom. I talk a lot, and want to learn to be quiet and listen more. Father, help me to be more responsible with myself and my faith in You, so to be a reflection of You. Please help me to remember that I represent You down here, and want to take that seriously. Thank You, in advance. I know that I am still a work in progress.

PRAYER - Desires of My Heart

Father-

You know me better than I know myself, yet You still love me. I don't know why I feel like I need to be something that I am not and compare myself to others. Please help me to be content with what I have and be comfortable just being the person You made me to be. I don't ever want to blame others for the person that I am or for the choices that I make. I don't want to make excuses for the way I act to justify my behavior. I ask You to make me a better person and help me to hold myself accountable for my actions and words. I ask that you help me to be kind to others, not only to those dear to me, but to everyone; and not only on the surface but deep into my heart. I ask that You help me to be reliable, dependable, responsible, approachable, and capable. I know that I can do all things if You will help me.

Please help me to be disciplined in my time with You each day. Please help me to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and to remember that exaggerations and omissions are also lies. I need to live up to my word and keep my promises and commitments. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut and be a better listener- You gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. Please help me to repay or pay forward all of the kindnesses people have shown me. Help me learn to be around, and learn to love, the people I really don't like very much. I am a real mess, Lord. And I am being as honest as I am able to be with You, and with myself. Please help me not to be wasteful, and use wisdom with my finances. I ask that You give my heart the desires of Your heart for me, and my life, and help me achieve them.

Monday, July 3, 2017

PRAYER - Spiritual Growth

Papa-


My deep and true love for You, Jesus, has given me a lighter heart. It has enabled me to be kinder and more patient with others, but I still need work! Please help me to love You  more and give me a boldness to talk about You with others. I pray that with each passing day I will grow spiritually and be a better example of Your mercy, Your forgiveness and Your love. I want for people to see You living in my heart and spirit. Let my light shine for You, and before You in worship. I want to move only in peace and in love. I love You Lord and want to love You with every single cell of my body, heart and mind. Thank You for all You do for me- the things seen, and the things unseen. Help me to grow my faith and trust only You. Help me to approach You with complete honesty, reverence and thankfulness. Thank You, Father. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Holy Spirit for always being here to help me when I struggle and need You.


PRAYER- Bless and Guide Every Word I Write

Father-


Please allow every word I write to come from You. Please bless My prayers, my fears and my hopes and private thoughts so to edify others. I ask that Your promises, mercy, and love be the highlight of my every word. Holy Spirit I ask that You  will move others to make our world a better place. That we would be kinder to each other, our planet, and the little  children and animals who have no voice. I ask that You would make us all watchmen for our assigned area of our planet, not matter how long or briefly we are there. I ask that You bless everyone who reads these words, and to inspire true and positive change in our hearts.

In Jesus Name,
Amen


"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer." (Psalm 19:14)


"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23)